How To Tell Your Best Friend That You Are in Love With Him: A how-to column by Bridgette Brady, who has no idea.
First of all, be sure that you are, in fact, in love with your best friend. You will know that you are when, after 9 years of friendship, you suddenly realize that were he to exit your life in some manner, you could not possibly function, and that somewhere in the back of your mind, you are looking forward to your 35th birthday because that's when your Plan B agreement with him merits a true discussion of whether or not you want to go through with it. Realizing that you keep leaving each other for stretches of time for other things, but always seem to get right back to it after 5 minutes of awkward catching up like no time has passed at all.
Also, if he has consistently dated stupid 19 year olds because they have curly hair or are skanky, or like cars, but have no substance whatsoever, and then, all of sudden he starts dating a girl who looks like you, kind of, and you are so wracked with jealousy that you can't even look in their general direction, and it causes you to write giant run-on sentences about the issue, you should probably take some time to figure out where that jealousy is coming from.
Thirdly, if he hugs you the same as he always has, and that is something you look forward to subconciously, but then it makes you nervous because you're worried that you are suddenly standing closer to him, or holding on to him a little bit longer than you should, maybe, and so all you really want to do is hug him but you're too anxious about it to do it, but then you think that maybe he will see something in your hesitance, and you're still writing run-on sentences, what more proof do you need, for crying out loud?
Okay, so does he love you back that way? Let's see...girl who looks like you? Maybe. Comments about how awesome you are? Maybe. But he's sort of always done that, and that's why you like him. General demeanor which includes more hand touching and texting than usual? Maybe...and definitely enough to make you think something should be said.Agreeing to be engaged to you, even if just for fun? Maybe. Telling you that even though you are jealous of his new girlfriend, he is not jealous at all when YOU date someone? Maybe not.
See? Maybe, maybe, maybe not.
What's there to lose? Perhaps it's something that, once said, solves every major issue you have about yourself, right? Maybe it's forever and ever and wonderful and easy and comfortable and great and full of babies and laughing and kissing and home repairs and vacations and fighting and making up. Then again, maybe it's something that, once said, takes your best friend away from you forever. Maybe he will freak out and get mad even, because you've changed everything without asking him.
Maybe he already knows and is dreading the day you finally say it.
Maybe he wants to say it but can't, just like you.
Maybe you say it, try it out, and it doesn't fit. Would that be the end of the world? Yeah, it would a little.
So many maybes and so much to lose, and so much disappointment in my lack of fearlessness on this one.
And then how to say it:
Hey, I think I'm in love with you.
That's all it is right there. Eight words total, including the greeting, and I cannot get them to exit my face in his presence.
Or something less direct? Maybe flowers, a CD, cookies, meatpies, cake, or Christmas dinner. Except I already did all that. If it can be SHOWN, it has been, and he hasn't said anything, which shatters my confidence and leads me to think that I am WAY off. And I'm too scared to be grossly obvious, and I'm sure he knows me well enough to know that THAT'S how I do it, with flowers, a CD, cookies, meatpies, cake, and Christmas dinner. That's how I've always done it, and he's witnessed that sad approach at least 10 times. How could he not see that?
The fear and the unknown of it has me crippled. I can't risk it, nor can I say it, but I can't deal with it, either. If it was anyone else, he's the one I would talk to about it. I'm as confused and embarassed as I was when I was 13 years old, for crying out loud. And I think about it so much that it is completely overthought to the point where I think I've fabricated the emotion itself to deal with lonliness, aging, and stagnation in my life. So, I don't know for sure that I really AM in love with him, which brings me back to Step One up there, and then I cycle through this whole blog again.
I'm 34 years old. I know enough to know that if someone sticks to you that long, there's more to it. Girls that stick like that will be your very best until the day you die, and you're lucky to have ONE of them. Boys that stick like that are either interested or think they might be someday. They think you're good enough to hang on to, but not ready yet or not quite sure...as long as you are somewhat available. For real, how many NOT gay very close male friends do you still have after you're married? And how many of them are this boy? Who fixes your broken things, gives you money, picks you up every time you need it, wraps his arms around you because things are good, wraps his arms around you because things are bad, and wraps his arms around you because it's Tuesday? And will back up your ghost story because he was there for it? And what boy would, one time only, wake up in the middle of the night for your phone call and let you sleep there because you were so heartbroken that you didn't think you would make it through, then hold you like a vice and never mention it again because you were embarassed to be so weak as to need that?
A boy who loves you does that, right?
Right?
Terrified of yes, terrified of no? Terrified of not saying anything?
Maybe he reads your blog.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
Something ELSE I love about the Obamas..
Michelle's dress. I'm obsessed with the idea of it. Does ANYone ever wear ANYthing more important? I mean, sure, wedding gown, mother-of-the-bride dress, yadda yadda. But how often does one's husband become President? And how often is he the first A-A President? And how often are the hopes of so many pinned upon one's husband? I mean, come on. That is one important dress. Whatever she wears, we will all look toward her in her First Lady-ness in this new Camelot and fashion ourselves accordingly. It's been a while since I have indulged myself in the frivolities of being an American consumer who, though protheletizing against the dangers of excess in our lives, secretly drools all over pictures of Prada couture and imagines the day when she can be the smallest size of her life and still only fit into the biggest Prada dress made for her very best friend's wedding in August.
*Sigh.*
Anyway. I'm voting for Betsey Johnson, but I'm sure she won't choose it. It's so vibrant and hopeful, if a dress can be all that, and the way she's sketched Michelle's face? She GETS it. And the dress reflects it. Secondly, Koi. I love the idea of black cardigan sweater on formalwear. I do it every chance I get. It's like, "Say, I'm the First Lady, and I have the most awesome gown ever made for the coolest event in American History, but I'm also chilly. And practical. It's January." Thirdly, Kai Milla. Just elegant and beautiful. And brown. I put the LaCroix up there because even though I LIKE it, it's frightfully ostentacious, which is how I feel about most things on the label, to be honest. Creative and forward, yes. But far, far too much.
As for the actual day outfit, I can't seem to get them to post properly, but I have to go with the DVF: http://www.wwd.com/fashion-news/dressing-the-first-lady-1875632#/slideshow/article/1875632/1876135
Look at it. It's gorgeous. It sets a marvelous, appropriately regal but classic tone, and the color is delightful.
She's gonna be great, don't you think?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
A service on compassion...
So, for my UU church, I was asked to give a service. It's my first one, and though I am familiar with the basic agenda of our services, presenting one is an entirely different thing. Therefore, I am posting as a blog that which I have assembled thus far. Please comment. It's a little long, but it's most of what I wish to say:
Living a Compassionate Life
by Bridgette Brady
"A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and spent much of his time exploring the seashore. One day he learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand. The day of the tide he went down to the beach and began picking up stranded starfish and tossing them back into the sea. An elderly man who lived next door came down to the beach to see what he was doing. "I'm saving the starfish," the boy proudly declared. When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish, he shook his head and said "I'm sorry to disappoint you, young man, buf if you look down the beach one way, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look down the beach the other way, it's the same. One little boy like you isn't going to make much of a difference." The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up a starfish, tossed it out into the ocean and said, "I sure made a difference for that one."
Compassion is innate to our souls. Compassion is what connects us to each other. I will borrow some words today from Thich Nhat Hahn and the Buddist idealogy to encourage and explain how a compassionate life makes you happier, fulfilled, and can help you find peace in the midst of torment and tragedy. Loving is a mind that brings peace, joy, and happiness to another being. Compassionate is a mind that removes the suffering that is present in another being. We all have the seeds of both love and compassion in our minds and know, somewhere, that a simple act of compassion is a perfect thing; it is it's own reward. While we can argue that nothing we ever do is truly selfless, compassion is, by nature, as self-serving as it is charitable. When you know that you have done good, when you have brought light into the dark, no matter how small the flame, you have changed someone or something for the better. It makes YOU feel better. It's almost selfish, actually, except for the fact that you have shared it with the world. For if your kindness in mirrored in another, and another, the change you have caused is immeasurable.
Compassion means, literally, "to suffer with". When we are in contact with another's suffering, a feeling of compassion is born within us. And I think that we, as UU's, are openly compassionate by nature. We realize the suffering around us, acknowledging that all people and beings suffer in some manner. From poverty, from fear, from oppression, from loneliness..from all those things that disconnect us from each other. But by living compassionately- by listening and doing and loving and helping- we remove some of the suffering in the world. It brings joy and love into our own hearts and relieves the suffering we feel privately in our lives.
Which brings me to the actual subject of Living a Compassionate Life. What does it mean and how do we do it? Certainly, no one is perfect. But in striving for perfection, we come to know our strengths and weaknesses. To me, a compassionate life is simply staying open to others despite my busy-ness, my personal struggles, my finances, and my own life. Specifically, it means mindful attention of my own power to good, cause change, and relieve suffering where I see it. It is the ability and trust in myself to do the right thing, take time to listen to what people are really saying, and, without fanfare and pats on the back, do what I can to make things easier for them. It's a little extra snowblowing, the change on the floor of my truck when I clean it, two bags of dogfood instead of one, phone calls to people I know are alone, cookies for the recently broken hearted, publicity for an event, a ride to the grocery store, and the most simple, basic acts of kindness.
Compassion is mentioned in various dogmas as a tenet of almost every faith on the planet. From Jesus' teaching to 'do unto others you would have done unto you' to Buddha's statement, 'In compassion lies the world's great strength'. Compassion can easily extend to the more strict principles of monks, who live by the idea that we are all inherently equal as we live, and that we must strive every moment to never unnecessarily harm any other living beings, but that's way easier said than done, as anyone who's ever lived a vegan, vegetarian, or fruitarian lifestyle can attest. Try getting through a summer day without killing a bug, for example, and you'll see how much compassion you really do have inside of you.
While I certainly won't lecture on or espouse that kind of strict discipline to you, what I do want to stress is just how easy it is to live a MORE compassionate life. Mindfulness and attention to all the life around you will yield endless opportunities for happiness and chances to be compassionate. And trust me...when you lie down at night knowing that you did good every time you could, that no matter how many bad things happened to you or how stressed you were that day, a life was, if only momentarily, made better because you came into it...you'll rest a little easier every day. It does wonders for your ego, your self-worth, and your ability to manage emotional crises.
Start simply by going home today after this very service and put your plants in the best possible window, even if it means changing your furniture around a little. They'll let you know in two days how much they appreciate it. Be as happy to see your dog as he is to see you. Every time. Take her for an extra long walk as soon as you can manage it. Remember to do that as often as possible. Think of your neighbors. Shovel a little more or send them a card to thank them for being great or for always having a nice yard. Thank store clerks and cashiers for their hard work. Include a note with a tip to say thank you for the service. Send cards to soldiers. Visit the elderly. Sing with children. Donate what you can in time and money. Most importantly, never let a chance to make a change pass you by. If you think of it, do it. There's a guy who walks by the station every morning and picks cigarette butts out of our ashcan. Every once in a while, when we think of it, we put a full pack in there for him or a five dollar bill. It's that easy.
If you're feeling adventurous, try being vegetarian one day a week as a compassionate act toward animals, or if you must eat meat, bring some toys out to the animal shelter. I started my own change toward a compassionate existence a year ago when I went to work for PETA for a week. Now, I'm not here to champion that cause at all, I just mention it to illustrate how I came to be such a proponent of this movement. After that week, I realized that you can write letters, shout from the rooftops, argue, protest, demostrate, and fight and be a visible, public warrior, or you can choose to live by example. Shouting and scare tactics will get you noticed, but living what you believe will get you heard. Without drawing attention to yourself, you can make a far deeper impression by helping one person at a time, as often as you can. I am amazed at the peaceful, calming change that has come over me in this past year since I have made a point of living by example my argument for compassionate choices. And the hidden benefit, which I never expected, is that I am proud of myself and trust completely that I will do the right thing whenever I find myself tested.
Instead of getting angry on those days when the transmission blows up, the gas was all siphoned out of the snowblower, the dogs tore up the couch, the roof has sprung an urgent leak, the work is all on my shoulders, and I usually would feel like fate is against me, I approach it with an inward peace and say, "I must need to do some good today since all this bad has happened." Then I go out and look for it. I drop off old clothes, write a thank you card, hold doors for old people, smile at everyone, offer a hand wherever it's needed, and shortly, the day isn't as bad as it seemed.
You can make a tremendous difference. And you can do it every day. Not just for others, but for yourself. Compassion is what connects us..the ability to recognize and feel the pain and happiness in others and to share or relieve it is what makes us human. Compassion is within every person, and unfortunately, it's become buried under activities, entitlement, selfishness and greed. To paraphrase the Dalai Lama on the subject, compassion and a good heart are developed through constant and conscious effort. If we all start to nurture it within ourselves, we start to nurture it in the world.
Living a Compassionate Life
by Bridgette Brady
"A small boy lived by the ocean. He loved the creatures of the sea, especially the starfish, and spent much of his time exploring the seashore. One day he learned there would be a minus tide that would leave the starfish stranded on the sand. The day of the tide he went down to the beach and began picking up stranded starfish and tossing them back into the sea. An elderly man who lived next door came down to the beach to see what he was doing. "I'm saving the starfish," the boy proudly declared. When the neighbor saw all of the stranded starfish, he shook his head and said "I'm sorry to disappoint you, young man, buf if you look down the beach one way, there are stranded starfish as far as the eye can see. And if you look down the beach the other way, it's the same. One little boy like you isn't going to make much of a difference." The boy thought about this for a moment. Then he reached his small hand down to the sand, picked up a starfish, tossed it out into the ocean and said, "I sure made a difference for that one."
Compassion is innate to our souls. Compassion is what connects us to each other. I will borrow some words today from Thich Nhat Hahn and the Buddist idealogy to encourage and explain how a compassionate life makes you happier, fulfilled, and can help you find peace in the midst of torment and tragedy. Loving is a mind that brings peace, joy, and happiness to another being. Compassionate is a mind that removes the suffering that is present in another being. We all have the seeds of both love and compassion in our minds and know, somewhere, that a simple act of compassion is a perfect thing; it is it's own reward. While we can argue that nothing we ever do is truly selfless, compassion is, by nature, as self-serving as it is charitable. When you know that you have done good, when you have brought light into the dark, no matter how small the flame, you have changed someone or something for the better. It makes YOU feel better. It's almost selfish, actually, except for the fact that you have shared it with the world. For if your kindness in mirrored in another, and another, the change you have caused is immeasurable.
Compassion means, literally, "to suffer with". When we are in contact with another's suffering, a feeling of compassion is born within us. And I think that we, as UU's, are openly compassionate by nature. We realize the suffering around us, acknowledging that all people and beings suffer in some manner. From poverty, from fear, from oppression, from loneliness..from all those things that disconnect us from each other. But by living compassionately- by listening and doing and loving and helping- we remove some of the suffering in the world. It brings joy and love into our own hearts and relieves the suffering we feel privately in our lives.
Which brings me to the actual subject of Living a Compassionate Life. What does it mean and how do we do it? Certainly, no one is perfect. But in striving for perfection, we come to know our strengths and weaknesses. To me, a compassionate life is simply staying open to others despite my busy-ness, my personal struggles, my finances, and my own life. Specifically, it means mindful attention of my own power to good, cause change, and relieve suffering where I see it. It is the ability and trust in myself to do the right thing, take time to listen to what people are really saying, and, without fanfare and pats on the back, do what I can to make things easier for them. It's a little extra snowblowing, the change on the floor of my truck when I clean it, two bags of dogfood instead of one, phone calls to people I know are alone, cookies for the recently broken hearted, publicity for an event, a ride to the grocery store, and the most simple, basic acts of kindness.
Compassion is mentioned in various dogmas as a tenet of almost every faith on the planet. From Jesus' teaching to 'do unto others you would have done unto you' to Buddha's statement, 'In compassion lies the world's great strength'. Compassion can easily extend to the more strict principles of monks, who live by the idea that we are all inherently equal as we live, and that we must strive every moment to never unnecessarily harm any other living beings, but that's way easier said than done, as anyone who's ever lived a vegan, vegetarian, or fruitarian lifestyle can attest. Try getting through a summer day without killing a bug, for example, and you'll see how much compassion you really do have inside of you.
While I certainly won't lecture on or espouse that kind of strict discipline to you, what I do want to stress is just how easy it is to live a MORE compassionate life. Mindfulness and attention to all the life around you will yield endless opportunities for happiness and chances to be compassionate. And trust me...when you lie down at night knowing that you did good every time you could, that no matter how many bad things happened to you or how stressed you were that day, a life was, if only momentarily, made better because you came into it...you'll rest a little easier every day. It does wonders for your ego, your self-worth, and your ability to manage emotional crises.
Start simply by going home today after this very service and put your plants in the best possible window, even if it means changing your furniture around a little. They'll let you know in two days how much they appreciate it. Be as happy to see your dog as he is to see you. Every time. Take her for an extra long walk as soon as you can manage it. Remember to do that as often as possible. Think of your neighbors. Shovel a little more or send them a card to thank them for being great or for always having a nice yard. Thank store clerks and cashiers for their hard work. Include a note with a tip to say thank you for the service. Send cards to soldiers. Visit the elderly. Sing with children. Donate what you can in time and money. Most importantly, never let a chance to make a change pass you by. If you think of it, do it. There's a guy who walks by the station every morning and picks cigarette butts out of our ashcan. Every once in a while, when we think of it, we put a full pack in there for him or a five dollar bill. It's that easy.
If you're feeling adventurous, try being vegetarian one day a week as a compassionate act toward animals, or if you must eat meat, bring some toys out to the animal shelter. I started my own change toward a compassionate existence a year ago when I went to work for PETA for a week. Now, I'm not here to champion that cause at all, I just mention it to illustrate how I came to be such a proponent of this movement. After that week, I realized that you can write letters, shout from the rooftops, argue, protest, demostrate, and fight and be a visible, public warrior, or you can choose to live by example. Shouting and scare tactics will get you noticed, but living what you believe will get you heard. Without drawing attention to yourself, you can make a far deeper impression by helping one person at a time, as often as you can. I am amazed at the peaceful, calming change that has come over me in this past year since I have made a point of living by example my argument for compassionate choices. And the hidden benefit, which I never expected, is that I am proud of myself and trust completely that I will do the right thing whenever I find myself tested.
Instead of getting angry on those days when the transmission blows up, the gas was all siphoned out of the snowblower, the dogs tore up the couch, the roof has sprung an urgent leak, the work is all on my shoulders, and I usually would feel like fate is against me, I approach it with an inward peace and say, "I must need to do some good today since all this bad has happened." Then I go out and look for it. I drop off old clothes, write a thank you card, hold doors for old people, smile at everyone, offer a hand wherever it's needed, and shortly, the day isn't as bad as it seemed.
You can make a tremendous difference. And you can do it every day. Not just for others, but for yourself. Compassion is what connects us..the ability to recognize and feel the pain and happiness in others and to share or relieve it is what makes us human. Compassion is within every person, and unfortunately, it's become buried under activities, entitlement, selfishness and greed. To paraphrase the Dalai Lama on the subject, compassion and a good heart are developed through constant and conscious effort. If we all start to nurture it within ourselves, we start to nurture it in the world.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Things I would like for ChristmaHanuKwanzakah...
This is shamelessly self-serving, I admit. However, my mother AGAIN told me how hard it is to buy me Holiday presents. Actually, she's becoming a big-time Jesus fan, so what she actually said was something about gifts to celebrate the Birth of Our Savior, spoken with caps and italics, like that, even. She keeps peppering her conversations with salvation chatter and I don't know what to say to her about it. Anyhoo...
I am the easiest person in the world for whom to buy presents, I think. Seriously. Just getting one makes me delirious with joy, so it has to REALLY suck in order to disappoint. The only time I was ever let down was when my mom neglected what I really wanted in lieu of too tight jeans to prove that I was getting fat and a used game of Clue from the Salvation Army that was missing the rope and the lead pipe from the little props section of the plastic organizer. Dammit. I'm still bitter about that one. Christmas, 1986.
Also, I got to mom (as a verb) last night. Dustin came over and I grilled him endlessly until he laughed about what he would want from Santa. It's the first time I've ever had the chance to give a kid some Christmas, and though my experience isn't the full-on parental version, I have to say that I GET it. I want a tree for him, singing plastic angels for him, stockings for him, shit on the windows for him, a train set, village, and ornaments for him. And I want to give him everything he could ever want. Wow, it's kind of like having Jesus in the house.
He wants a cell phone. That's pretty much it. But I got him to admit that a motorized Erector set would be pretty cool, although he wouldn't tell anyone he got it because 'the name of it is gay'. I was thinking on repainting and finishing his room, too, but that would just be harder for him to leave, and that's not what I'm shooting for. He wants some clothes, some games, etc. What surprised me the most was what he DOESN'T want, like a DS, a PSP, or a Wii. He doesn't want candy, or money or gift cards. The listing of all things that Dustin wants led me to make a list of my own this year, of basic easy things that tickled my fancy while searching around.
Here they are:
* In place of the THREE kitty calendars I got from idiots last year
* Something hilarious that will wear off in one week
* The thing I'm gonna buy if I DON'T have it gifted
* The thing I want from Santa
* What you'd get me if you were my new husband
* And after we'd been wed five years
That's about it. I have to quit gifantisizing and do some work. Have a good weekend, yo.
I am the easiest person in the world for whom to buy presents, I think. Seriously. Just getting one makes me delirious with joy, so it has to REALLY suck in order to disappoint. The only time I was ever let down was when my mom neglected what I really wanted in lieu of too tight jeans to prove that I was getting fat and a used game of Clue from the Salvation Army that was missing the rope and the lead pipe from the little props section of the plastic organizer. Dammit. I'm still bitter about that one. Christmas, 1986.
Also, I got to mom (as a verb) last night. Dustin came over and I grilled him endlessly until he laughed about what he would want from Santa. It's the first time I've ever had the chance to give a kid some Christmas, and though my experience isn't the full-on parental version, I have to say that I GET it. I want a tree for him, singing plastic angels for him, stockings for him, shit on the windows for him, a train set, village, and ornaments for him. And I want to give him everything he could ever want. Wow, it's kind of like having Jesus in the house.
He wants a cell phone. That's pretty much it. But I got him to admit that a motorized Erector set would be pretty cool, although he wouldn't tell anyone he got it because 'the name of it is gay'. I was thinking on repainting and finishing his room, too, but that would just be harder for him to leave, and that's not what I'm shooting for. He wants some clothes, some games, etc. What surprised me the most was what he DOESN'T want, like a DS, a PSP, or a Wii. He doesn't want candy, or money or gift cards. The listing of all things that Dustin wants led me to make a list of my own this year, of basic easy things that tickled my fancy while searching around.
Here they are:
* In place of the THREE kitty calendars I got from idiots last year
* Something hilarious that will wear off in one week
* The thing I'm gonna buy if I DON'T have it gifted
* The thing I want from Santa
* What you'd get me if you were my new husband
* And after we'd been wed five years
That's about it. I have to quit gifantisizing and do some work. Have a good weekend, yo.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Thanksgivings
Holy Jesus on a Christmas Tree. I flipped right out on Saturday night. I am a jealous, jealous girl. I forget that horrible part of myself and then when I see it again, wow, am I disappointed in me. Whew.
Aside from that, Thanksgiving was again lovely, despite the fact that I am one of those people who is adopted by others for the major holidays. I always bring something nice, you know, like wine and Whipped Sweet Potatoes with Sugar-Pecan Best Thing Ever on Top, but I would really rather be whirling my own dervish at home with lots of people over.
My first Turkey feast was at the home of Junior and his lovely wife Carissa. God love them, it was their first one in the new house, and they just LOVE the Christmas, you know, so it was like Santa and Jesus threw up in there from a night of Nogging, and it was a delightful mish-mash of folks who work at the bar with us, family, and children. Lots of fun, really, and my first time as a sommalier for an event. Now, before you say, "Woo! Who's the hoity-toity wine expertinado, all of a sudden?!", let me point out that I am in NO way qualified for the job. I am simply MORE qualified than anyone else who was going to it. (And let me take an aside while I thank The Benson for learning me about wines, y'all. ) So, being as most of them don't care for wine, nor care to learn about it, I brought an easy Riesling, a frugal Liebfraumilch, both very well recieved, and a somewhat pricey Pinot Noir that ended up coming home with me, unopened. Good dinner. Marshmallows on the yams, but I just ate around it. Also, bright, hearty pangs of jealousy as a side dish, since my very best friend in the whole world is dating a very nice girl who is way bigger than most of the girls he usually dates and it has, somehow, made me decide that I am in love with him. That's a fantastic holiday subplot, if I do say so myself.
Thanksgiving Again was at the home of my adoptive Escanaba family, which is getting smaller and smaller. Gus' mom, her roommate Rod, and their friend Tom. I can't go into great detail on a public blog that is read by innumerable twos of people, but we had a homegrown meal, and I'll leave it at that. The best conversations I ever have are there, and they were aplenty, and then I went home, fat, drunk, happy, full, and other. Good times.
The bar was GROSS busy on Friday, and I missed out on half the Ladies Night Funfest, but maybe that was for the best, after all. (wink wink) I had $145 in my pocket on the way out the door, which made up for about 1/3 of what I spent like a madwoman in Appleton, mostly here earlier that day. If the Redhead doesn't flip out over her present, then I don't really know her at all. Oh, and this is my favorite thing I purchased.
I love spending money. Hate this jealousy bit, but I'll get over it. Happy Days After Thanksgiving.
Aside from that, Thanksgiving was again lovely, despite the fact that I am one of those people who is adopted by others for the major holidays. I always bring something nice, you know, like wine and Whipped Sweet Potatoes with Sugar-Pecan Best Thing Ever on Top, but I would really rather be whirling my own dervish at home with lots of people over.
My first Turkey feast was at the home of Junior and his lovely wife Carissa. God love them, it was their first one in the new house, and they just LOVE the Christmas, you know, so it was like Santa and Jesus threw up in there from a night of Nogging, and it was a delightful mish-mash of folks who work at the bar with us, family, and children. Lots of fun, really, and my first time as a sommalier for an event. Now, before you say, "Woo! Who's the hoity-toity wine expertinado, all of a sudden?!", let me point out that I am in NO way qualified for the job. I am simply MORE qualified than anyone else who was going to it. (And let me take an aside while I thank The Benson for learning me about wines, y'all. ) So, being as most of them don't care for wine, nor care to learn about it, I brought an easy Riesling, a frugal Liebfraumilch, both very well recieved, and a somewhat pricey Pinot Noir that ended up coming home with me, unopened. Good dinner. Marshmallows on the yams, but I just ate around it. Also, bright, hearty pangs of jealousy as a side dish, since my very best friend in the whole world is dating a very nice girl who is way bigger than most of the girls he usually dates and it has, somehow, made me decide that I am in love with him. That's a fantastic holiday subplot, if I do say so myself.
Thanksgiving Again was at the home of my adoptive Escanaba family, which is getting smaller and smaller. Gus' mom, her roommate Rod, and their friend Tom. I can't go into great detail on a public blog that is read by innumerable twos of people, but we had a homegrown meal, and I'll leave it at that. The best conversations I ever have are there, and they were aplenty, and then I went home, fat, drunk, happy, full, and other. Good times.
The bar was GROSS busy on Friday, and I missed out on half the Ladies Night Funfest, but maybe that was for the best, after all. (wink wink) I had $145 in my pocket on the way out the door, which made up for about 1/3 of what I spent like a madwoman in Appleton, mostly here earlier that day. If the Redhead doesn't flip out over her present, then I don't really know her at all. Oh, and this is my favorite thing I purchased.
I love spending money. Hate this jealousy bit, but I'll get over it. Happy Days After Thanksgiving.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
My Great Big Community Service Initiative
L&G, may I have a drumroll, please?
Rllrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlllrlrlrlrrrlrlrllrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrl (text approximation of the sound of a drumroll)!
Starting in January, Mix 106 is going to launch a new initiative, parterning with all of our local non-profs, lots of businesses, and every single person who lives in Delta County. It's called:
100 Hours of Hope
Here's how it works. We are asking every single resident of Delta County to give 100 hours of their time over the next year to the community. "Holy shit!" you say, "That's a lot of effing time!" Well, not really...it's less than 2 hours per week (1.923 hours, to be precise, which is just 115 or so minutes). You can count the time you spend grocery shopping as long as you donate a can or two of what you buy. You can count the time you spend cleaning your house as long as you donate some old thing to Goodwill or the Army or St. Vincenzo's Department Store. You can drive an old person to the store, rake a bit of someone else's yard, snowblow the whole block instead of just your piece of sidewalk, sort food at the pantry, walk a dog at the shelter, answer phones for a telethon, usher at the Bonifas, docent at the lighthouse, play cards at the old folks home, take out someone else's garbage or bring something to the dump for them...it all counts.
We will list on our website a TON of volunteering activities from all sorts of organizations. You call them and sign up, and we will give you a 100 Hours of Hope t-shirt. You don't HAVE to wear it, but if you do, everyone will see that you're doing your part and maybe be encouraged to do theirs, as well. Our website will have a blog area, where you can chat about your experiences, and then pick a volunteer of the month and an organization of the month for prizes, recognition, and whatnot. We will push the whole, 'more time than money' thing, too, so that people don't just try to buy their time, although we figure you can use minimum wage to calculate it, so that if you donate, say, $71.50 worth of stuff to the Salvation Army foodbank, you can call that 10 hours. You can also write letters, research online for ideas, or clip coupons for organizations to use up your time.
I am SO excited about this project. Maybe it's asking too much of people, but even if they TRY to participate...totally worth my time. Yay for digging in! :)
Rllrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrlllrlrlrlrrrlrlrllrlrlrlrlrlrlrlrl (text approximation of the sound of a drumroll)!
Starting in January, Mix 106 is going to launch a new initiative, parterning with all of our local non-profs, lots of businesses, and every single person who lives in Delta County. It's called:
100 Hours of Hope
Here's how it works. We are asking every single resident of Delta County to give 100 hours of their time over the next year to the community. "Holy shit!" you say, "That's a lot of effing time!" Well, not really...it's less than 2 hours per week (1.923 hours, to be precise, which is just 115 or so minutes). You can count the time you spend grocery shopping as long as you donate a can or two of what you buy. You can count the time you spend cleaning your house as long as you donate some old thing to Goodwill or the Army or St. Vincenzo's Department Store. You can drive an old person to the store, rake a bit of someone else's yard, snowblow the whole block instead of just your piece of sidewalk, sort food at the pantry, walk a dog at the shelter, answer phones for a telethon, usher at the Bonifas, docent at the lighthouse, play cards at the old folks home, take out someone else's garbage or bring something to the dump for them...it all counts.
We will list on our website a TON of volunteering activities from all sorts of organizations. You call them and sign up, and we will give you a 100 Hours of Hope t-shirt. You don't HAVE to wear it, but if you do, everyone will see that you're doing your part and maybe be encouraged to do theirs, as well. Our website will have a blog area, where you can chat about your experiences, and then pick a volunteer of the month and an organization of the month for prizes, recognition, and whatnot. We will push the whole, 'more time than money' thing, too, so that people don't just try to buy their time, although we figure you can use minimum wage to calculate it, so that if you donate, say, $71.50 worth of stuff to the Salvation Army foodbank, you can call that 10 hours. You can also write letters, research online for ideas, or clip coupons for organizations to use up your time.
I am SO excited about this project. Maybe it's asking too much of people, but even if they TRY to participate...totally worth my time. Yay for digging in! :)
Friday, November 14, 2008
Oi! So, today is Friday, and my mind is tossed on the upcoming Holiday season. Being a non-Christmas kind of girl, the gift-giving thing always perplexes me. Also, being a no-money-having girl also impacts my approach to this most delicate topic.
It's not that I don't WANT to give gifts...in fact, quite the contrary is true. However, the way I see it, most of my friends have everything that they NEED. There is nothing I can provide them that they can't provide for themselves. Then again, as CJ pointed out, if someone needs it, it's not really a gift. A gift should be a quiet statement between people that attests to their friendship and private moments.
I am a big, big fan of finding one amazingly unique item and buying it for everyone, kind of like a collector's item. Last year, it was a Yodelling Pickle. I think it's hilarious and would LOVE to get it for a gift. This year, I am considering this for my work friends, these (amonst many Nick and Nora designs that I just LOVE) and this book for my good friends, and maybe a few of these for assorted others. If I try to go out and buy something unique for everyone, I spend too much, make weird leaps in judgement when pressured, like, "Oh, well, Charity is going to school this semester, so let's see...school....school....school....fish travel in schools. What about tuna steaks?" and then, overjoyed at having thought of something so personal, I immediately order and pay for it, and then think, "Um...wait. Did I just buy tuna steaks for my vegetarian best friend? Well done." And the tuna steaks go to someone who a. doesn't deserve that expensive a gift from me and b. has no idea why I would have gotten them tuna steaks when everyone else got inflatable toast. AND I don't have anything for Charity yet. Then there's the issue of this awesome Obama poster from moveon.org, and I can have three of them for an $85 donation, but I have five people that would love it and I absolutely do NOT have that much money to spend on posters. Fathead.com does not make a giant Paul Newman wall stickie, I am not a fan in any way of gift cards (here's some money, essentially, I'm just dictating where you are allowed to spend it), and the exclusive vanilla beans I wanted for a few of my favorite people have been embargoed by the government of Myanmar or something.
Which brings me to the Polar Bears. Surely they need $20 more than any of my friends need more stuff? Surely it's a good and worthy cause...have you seen those horrifying tv ads with the mom and baby floating away on a chunk of icy doom? Good LORD! The polar bears need it. As do the people of Darfur, poor kids right here in Escanaba, the Animal Shelter...can I just give $200 to someone and get a stack of cards? And can everyone just appreciate that as much as they would this?
I propose a holiday season where we all make food for each other as gifts and have wonderful times together, throw all of our gift money into a bowl and then draw charities from another bowl to send it to. And maybe play charades with the nominees. I will entertain a motion to adopt this into policy. Any discussion?
It's not that I don't WANT to give gifts...in fact, quite the contrary is true. However, the way I see it, most of my friends have everything that they NEED. There is nothing I can provide them that they can't provide for themselves. Then again, as CJ pointed out, if someone needs it, it's not really a gift. A gift should be a quiet statement between people that attests to their friendship and private moments.
I am a big, big fan of finding one amazingly unique item and buying it for everyone, kind of like a collector's item. Last year, it was a Yodelling Pickle. I think it's hilarious and would LOVE to get it for a gift. This year, I am considering this for my work friends, these (amonst many Nick and Nora designs that I just LOVE) and this book for my good friends, and maybe a few of these for assorted others. If I try to go out and buy something unique for everyone, I spend too much, make weird leaps in judgement when pressured, like, "Oh, well, Charity is going to school this semester, so let's see...school....school....school....fish travel in schools. What about tuna steaks?" and then, overjoyed at having thought of something so personal, I immediately order and pay for it, and then think, "Um...wait. Did I just buy tuna steaks for my vegetarian best friend? Well done." And the tuna steaks go to someone who a. doesn't deserve that expensive a gift from me and b. has no idea why I would have gotten them tuna steaks when everyone else got inflatable toast. AND I don't have anything for Charity yet. Then there's the issue of this awesome Obama poster from moveon.org, and I can have three of them for an $85 donation, but I have five people that would love it and I absolutely do NOT have that much money to spend on posters. Fathead.com does not make a giant Paul Newman wall stickie, I am not a fan in any way of gift cards (here's some money, essentially, I'm just dictating where you are allowed to spend it), and the exclusive vanilla beans I wanted for a few of my favorite people have been embargoed by the government of Myanmar or something.
Which brings me to the Polar Bears. Surely they need $20 more than any of my friends need more stuff? Surely it's a good and worthy cause...have you seen those horrifying tv ads with the mom and baby floating away on a chunk of icy doom? Good LORD! The polar bears need it. As do the people of Darfur, poor kids right here in Escanaba, the Animal Shelter...can I just give $200 to someone and get a stack of cards? And can everyone just appreciate that as much as they would this?
I propose a holiday season where we all make food for each other as gifts and have wonderful times together, throw all of our gift money into a bowl and then draw charities from another bowl to send it to. And maybe play charades with the nominees. I will entertain a motion to adopt this into policy. Any discussion?
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