Something odd that happens to me from time to time has just come up again.
I cannot STAND to be talked to.
I feel I should elaborate, because it probably seems conceited or something. I'm sitting in my office, working on stuff, and one of my best friends stopped by for a visit, but I couldn't listen to anything he said. And Dustin is here today, and I haven't seen him in ages and who knows when I will again, and I can't stand it. It's not that I don't want to see either of them, I would just rather enjoy their company by sitting in silence with them. Like maybe presence is enough, and anything else is TOO much.
Seriously, anyone in the world could show up today...John Cusack, Corey Feldman, Jesus....and I would not be able to listen to them talking because I really just want solitude, though it could easily be with someone else in the room. Does that make sense? No, it doesn't.
On days such as this, I should leave my phone at home, lock my work door, and wear some sort of sign that says, " I have a bizarre pathology and anything you say to me today will not stick in any fashion because even though I am looking at you, smiling and nodding, I am really just waiting for you to go away and leave me alone. In fact, I hate you for speaking right now. "
However, I don't want to be alone. I want to be in public, I just don't want to be PART of it. I don't wish to be addressed, nor do I wish to talk, though I am enjoying very much being around people. Which is why it is a good Benson day. He takes the spotlight off of whomever is around him, and every once in a while, it's nice to be part of someone's entourage instead of maintaining an individual identity.
On days like today, the only person I can stand is Kevin. He gets it and we cover for each other when either one of us experiences this odd emotional phenomenon. How do you get people to not take it personally that you can't stand to listen to them? I mean, if someone said to me, "Look, Bridge, it's not that I don't value what you're saying, I just absolutely cannot stand anyone today and your voice is like giant picky spiders crawling up my back," I might could get offended by that, yeah? Hmm.
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2 comments:
I totally get that feeling, too. Sometimes you just wake up in the groove of "gotta get X-Y-Z finished and move back to A-B-C" and other people, you'll notice, are not in that equation. I get it. I'm with you on that. I hate people, too.
I feel like that when I'm completely subconsciously distracted... It's like I'm walking and being but that's it. I cannot focus on anyone or anything and I feel it's because whatever is going on with me is far too consuming... I couldn't possibly make time to absorb anyone else's existence. While Ms. Fix is a people-eater. I'm just a people-ignorer. (Smiling and nodding go along way to pacify present company, too.)
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